i was reading jewlicious recently and noticed this potentially interesting discussion (ignore the numbers). it was about a rabbi recently caught cheating:
1. Steves Rick Says:
November 29th, 2006 at 12:47 pm
This happens alot due to the Frum women not being that sexual. I am not surprised or kidding about this.
Either the male is to surpress his healthy sexual interest, or be satisfied w/ one time per month or whenever the wife has interest. Then he must shut down his desires.
Well don’t be surprised by things like this, or Lanner, or all the other crimes that occur. If these men were allhappy at home, they wouldn’t strray from their wives or their religious moral dictates which they spout 3 times a day.
2. sarah Says:
November 29th, 2006 at 3:34 pm
wait. first we have to dress modest and not emphasize our sexiness…and then suddenly we have to be temptresses? which is it and how does that transition happen overnight?
3. julie Says:
November 29th, 2006 at 11:17 pm
sarah:
outkast said it best. what does every guy REALLY want? a lady in the street but a freak in the bedroom. that sums it up. and yes, we are expected to be modest in front of anyone else and give our desire free reign with our spouse… however, as the guys are pointing out, that is a tough shift to accomplish.
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and that's where the discussion ends. but i've never thought about this b4 and i'm sure many other frum women haven't either...
but seriously, in an age where christianity has polarized the sacred and profane, how does this affect our sex lives and our sex drives? and how exactly is a woman supposed to transition in the span of a few hours from pristine to provocative/promiscuous???
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5 comments:
I wanted to say hello on this, your most recent post. Thanks for reading and commenting on my blog. As for this topic, I feel it should be discussed a great deal. But my feeling is that it should be discussed discretely, privately, carefully.
thanks for the comment, Rabbi Neil.
i totally hear what you're saying and agreed with that for a long time. what i've noticed over the years is that i'm not sure it ever gets really discussed. over if it does, only in a crisis situation - like when the topic hasn't gotten discussed in advance and a couple finds themselves in crisis... i have seen this too may times and i say, the heck with it - it is time to discuss it.
now i agree that discretion is crucial and i was wondering - do you think that the anonymity of blogging is not private enough?
edited to say that i meant "or if it does" - not "over if it does"...
Rabbi Fleischmann: I must respectfully disagree. I think that if there is a section of the Jewish community that is blaming wives for their husband's marital infidelities that it must be addressed.
In general I agree with Sarah, that nice, Jewish girls are not taught to be sexual beings, that we are instructed to behave with modesty not just in dress, but in action, so it doesn't really surprise me that there would be little "interest." However, to declare, as Steves Rick does, an entire group of women as "not that sexual" seems absurd.
I think that the answer to this issue, as with many others, is that of education. Kallah classes are clearly not doing their job.
And one last thing, those men who are cheating, they are exposing their wives and families to all sorts of diseases, as the wife probably is not protected against her husband, (incorrectly) assuming that he is faithful.
anniegetyour:
yes! exactly!
after 10 years of marriage i started realizing what kind of damage my education did, in not preparing me for marital life. yeshiva high school, seminary, kallah classes - did 'em all and not one gave me any sort of tools for married life. i def. see the problem as one of education - or lack thereof.
and kallah teachers often do more damage than good. my kallah teacher did her job in that she helped me to not be as afraid of sex as i was, yet i had no proactive guidance. no clues about male sex drive (i didn't date as a teen and saved myself in every way for my husband so i knew nothing about men). and she told me ludicrous things, that while idealistic, were not practical. things like "the 2 weeks you're a nidah, you and your husband are like best friends. and the 2 weeks you're pure, you're lovers." she didn't mention that the tension btwn the 2 of you during the 2 weeks of separation could fuel a nuclear reactor and causes tension and friction galore... i went into marriage expecting my husband to be my friend while i was a nidah and was shocked to be treated coldly and more like an enemy - and then expeected after 2 weeks of hatred to wanna sleep with him?!
i found once i broke this topic open with other girlfriends in a discreet way (by way of theoretical case in a shiur) everyone concurred, so i know it's not just me...
and your point about the diseases - just look at the israeli singer ofra haza ob"m. contracted aids from a cheating husband...
i have another point about this issue and i think i'm gonna go blog about it...
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